my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
