babies were throwing up all over the place
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
