Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
