That's intense
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
