umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
