Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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