he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
