Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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