lets start a swedish sibling band together
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
