I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
