oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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