we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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