That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize