Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
