Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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