I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
