I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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