I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
