so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
