Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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