a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Pants are for mortals
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
