Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
