You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
