He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize