I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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