I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
