She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im holly from the hills drunk
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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