Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
