we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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