i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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