census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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