peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
FUCK WHALES
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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