The best revenge is premature balding
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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