She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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