btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
