so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
