no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
