My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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