dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
