My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
