meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
