When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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