remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
