i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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