I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Two words: blizzard sex
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
