I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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