Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
