a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
