I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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