FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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