I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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