yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
