My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
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I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
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I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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