Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.

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  (925): I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it. http://tfl.nu/g85u
  Replies (6) Good night (714) Bad night (2070)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  let's bang

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.

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  (216): let's bang (773): You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no. http://tfl.nu/cr4i
  Replies (68) Good night (1427) Bad night (6373)
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  (516): View more from New York

  so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me

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  (516): so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me http://tfl.nu/fxoz
  Replies (12) Good night (665) Bad night (3414)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  As in blowjob or cannibalism?

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.

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  (515): John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance. (1-515): As in blowjob or cannibalism? (515): I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal. http://tfl.nu/r3de
  Replies (71) Good night (4088) Bad night (1468)
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  (858): View more from California

  the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.

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  (858): the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am. http://tfl.nu/40nx
  Replies (28) Good night (712) Bad night (3104)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.

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  (309): so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday. http://tfl.nu/j6eg
  Replies (8) Good night (5382) Bad night (813)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.

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  (802): I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends. http://tfl.nu/oh1c
  Replies (10) Good night (4943) Bad night (962)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!

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  (832): How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?! http://tfl.nu/iqkb
  Replies (59) Good night (1913) Bad night (5235)
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  (315): View more from New York

  We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.

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  (315): We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders. http://tfl.nu/ji4s
  Replies (4) Good night (2253) Bad night (1090)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?

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  (813): EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order? http://tfl.nu/uphg
  Replies (29) Good night (3829) Bad night (684)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it

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  (630): I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it http://tfl.nu/s57c
  Replies (5) Good night (585) Bad night (1655)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.

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  (951): Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con. http://tfl.nu/1v01
  Replies (4) Good night (1013) Bad night (297)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.

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  (+44): He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy. http://tfl.nu/3usl
  Replies (1) Good night (928) Bad night (244)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes

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  (315): Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes http://tfl.nu/v7ud
  Replies (0) Good night (191) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything

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  (+44): Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls (+44): On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything http://tfl.nu/w86s
  Replies (1) Good night (866) Bad night (264)

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