Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I am available for nakedness