Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯