Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
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My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
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I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.