sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Holy sore nipples Batman
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
