if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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