You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
