I seem to have left my pride at pride
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
