I got chris browned last night
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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