oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sorry about my life...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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