Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
