Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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