well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
