The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
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Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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