D3 body, D1 cock
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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