She announced her abortion via fbk
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
