dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
